“I Have to Keep Proving Myself”

Part Five in the series: “Unmasking the Imposter – An IFS-Informed Guide to Reclaiming Your Worth”
By Angela M Carter, IFS Therapist

If you’re someone who never quite feels “done”…
If your to-do list refills faster than your cup…
If slowing down makes you feel nervous, lazy, or like you're falling behind…

Then you’ve likely met your Overworker Part.

She’s not just driven—she’s relentless.
She might sound like:

• “If I don’t keep going, it will all fall apart.”

• “Other people can rest—I can’t.”

• “I’ll pause when I’ve earned it.”

And under her drive is not greed for success.
It’s fear.

Fear that if she stops…
you’ll be seen as lazy, flaky, replaceable, unworthy.
That if you don’t keep proving your worth, you’ll lose your place, your people, your purpose.

The Overworker Is Working for Your Safety

In IFS, the Overworker is a protector—a manager part who keeps you doing to avoid the discomfort of simply being.

Because being still can mean:

• Feeling your feelings

• Hearing what your inner world has to say

• Facing the exile who still thinks she’s not enough

The Overworker steps in with good intentions.
She says: “Keep going. Stay ahead. Don’t stop to feel.”

She often formed in childhood, especially if:

• Love and attention were linked to productivity

• Your caregivers only praised results, not your being

• Survival meant being useful, reliable, or indispensable

A Personal Reflection: When Work Became Armour

There was a time in my life when I believed rest was irresponsible.

I filled every moment with productivity—studying, supporting, delivering, managing. I was known for my competence. For how much I could carry. How well I “held it all together.”

What people didn’t see was the part of me that was exhausted.
The part that believed if I stopped, the world would unravel—and maybe so would I.

Through my own IFS and somatic healing work, I came to understand that this Overworker wasn’t trying to punish me.
She was trying to protect the younger part who had learned that being helpful and high-functioning was the safest way to be loved.

Now, I still work hard—but not from fear.
From Self.
And I rest, not just because I’m allowed to… but because I’m worthy of it.

Busy Isn’t Bad—But It’s Not Who You Are

There’s nothing wrong with working hard.
There’s nothing wrong with striving, ambition, or doing your best.

But when work becomes your armour…
when doing replaces being…
when busyness is your default state of self-worth…

Your system might be running on survival, not freedom.

And that’s not sustainable—or necessary.

Try This: An Embodied Check-In With the Overworker Part

This body-based practice helps you connect with the Overworker through sensation, breath, and compassionate curiosity.

Step One: Settle Your Body
Find a quiet space to sit or lie down.
Place one hand on your chest, the other on your belly. Close your eyes if you feel safe to.

Step Two: Notice the Urge
Think of a time (maybe even now) when your Overworker was active.
Feel into your body.

• Where do you sense her?

• Is there tension? Pressure? A tight chest?

• Is there movement—like fidgeting, clenching, restlessness?

Just observe. Don’t try to change it.

Step Three: Ask With Curiosity
Silently or aloud, say: “Hello, part of me that’s always doing. I see how hard you’re working. What are you afraid would happen if we slowed down?”

Wait. Notice what images, words, or sensations arise. You don’t need full clarity. Just presence.

Step Four: Offer Reassurance From Self
Place both hands over your heart. Whisper (or write):

“You don’t have to do this alone.
I see how long you’ve carried this.
It’s safe to pause now. I’m here.”

Even if she doesn’t believe you yet, the message has been sent. And that matters.

Final Thoughts

Your worth isn’t measured by your output.
You don’t need to earn your right to rest.
You don’t need to prove you deserve love.

The Overworker doesn’t need to disappear.
She needs to trust that you’ve got this now.

And the more she feels that…
the more space you’ll have to breathe.

To create.
To rest.
To simply be.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls,

Angela xox

Next up: The Comparer: “They’re Better, Smarter, More Deserving”